So like, now that (since last night yo!) I've got all these end-game Karazhan epics, I feel that I can finally in good faith provide a guide for the rest of my priestly brethren of the fine art of healing. Prior to my obtaining 'teh purplhez' I was hesitant to share my secrets, as I would be informing the competition of the ways in which I excel over them in the arts of healing, but now that I'm uber I can finally share. Please direct any comments to your own @%%!*%!, because I'm better than you and I don't care what you have to say.


1) The Big H-Bomb, and the Little H-Torpedo

Priests have this spell called 'Greater Heal' yo, and it's like the BIGGEST HEAL-BOMB EVER, so like you gotta be careful when you use it, cuz like Uncle Ben (from Spider Man, not the rice guy) says, "with great power comes great responsibility". A good benchmark is to only drop the BIG H-BOMB on Druid tanks, or really super-geared warriors, cuz those are the only two classes that have enough hitpoints to deal with the H-Bomb. Now, a lot of other priests whine about some %!@@ called 'efficiency', but Priests aren't simpering little silly-nannies prancing around being all efficient, no. We're the Ninjarobopirates of healing, so full of badassery that we shake efficiency's hand, then sucker-punch him in the teeth and call his mom fat.

For all other classes we have this other thing called a "Prayer of Mending", which just like goes BAAM and fires off this twirly ribbon. Unless you're dealing with one of the two classes that can take a BIG H-BOMB you can use this little healing torpedo, and it like bounces around and heals people who take damage. Now like a lolrestoshaman or a druid or that other healing class has to actually target people and cast spells, but we're Priests, the penultimate healing badasses, and our spell just does it by itself. BAAM! Yeah.


1.1) Lolpaladintanks

There are also paladins who think they can tank. They usually don't have enough HP to withstand a BIG H-BOMB, but because we're Priests, we have an answer for them.

You see, paladin tanks regain mana when they get healed, and since you want them to regain mana all the time, you use this spell called like 'Renewing' or something. It totally like heals them every couple of seconds, so they'll be regaining mana constantly. Sometimes you can hit them with the Little Healing Torpedo, but only if it doesn't interfere with your other duties (see below).


2) Buffs

ONLY DRUID TANKS AND GEARED WARRIORS SHOULD GET BUFFS. This is because of hit point scaling, which means that like the difference between 10k and 11k hitpoints is WAY less than the difference from 20-21k. It's like a Magnitude of Order or something like that. Like if I'm expected to stop and buff everyone every half hour, it could take like WHOLE MINUTES of extra time to beat the dungeon, and frankly my time is more valuable than that. I learned a couple of days ago that there was like this spell to buff everyone at once, and I was all like, "yeah, sweet", but then I found out it like costs money to cast, so I was all like, "oh, damn."

I ain't payin' to give a damn mage more hitpoints. That's just crazy talk.


3) Ressurection

People die, it's just a fact of life. A lot of the time my 'Prayer of Mending' just doesn't bounce around fast enough and people die. Now, a smart priest stands way behind everyone else, so that when people start dying we can use this spell called 'Fade' and drink a Speed Potion and make a beeline for the door. Remember it's not cowardice, it's prudence, cuz like, WTF am I gonna do, right?

So after you run out of the instance, watch the party health bar to make sure everyone is dead before you go back in. Head back to where people died. If there's a Druid, a paladin or a shaman you can use your OMGJesus, 'ressurect' spell and bring them back to life, and then they can like bring other people back to life while you check out drops in Karazhan through Atlas loot. You don't wanna use your OMGJesus too often, cuz like, after the 1,000th time Jesus walked on water, I bet the Israelites were all like, "Meh. Do something else Jesus."

So you don't want people just thinking you can bring them back to life any time they die, because after a while people will be all like, "Meh. Do something else, Idialog." And then you have to like go through your spellbook and find some spell you've never used before like 'Binding Heal' (heh, Bondage Heal) or 'Flash Heal' (Which doesn't work, cuz even after I cast it the mob can still see just fine) or some %!@@ like that.

So basically don't OMGJesus people unless you get can someone else who can take care of the ressurection.


4) Raiding

Okay, so you're in a raid. You've got your BEAR TANK or UBER WARRIOR targetted. You probably want to turn off party and raid frames, because Blizzard put a lot of thought into the designs and textures in WoW and it's rude to not enjoy them. Now, as soon as your tank engages, you press your assist button, and now you should have the boss targetted.

Now you start your rotation, which looks like this:

Smite,smite,smite,smite,smite,smite,smite... etc.

Every 10-15 smites you press your Assist key again, and hit the tank with the BIG H-BOMB!, and then quickly (it's really key to do this quickly) assist back onto the boss so your Smite debuff is still going and resume your rotation.

BE CAREFUL! A lot of times after your 10-15 smites when you assist the boss it will be targetting someone other than your BEAR TANK or UBER WARRIOR (these classes die a lot). Make sure if this is the case to use your Prayer of Mending so the whole raid can get healed.


5) Jealousy

The hardest part about being a priest is dealing with other people, cuz like everyone is jealous of you for having rolled the best class in WoW. I've compiled a list of common complaints, and your responses:

"You should heal more often n00b, the tank keeps dying": This complaint usually has two causes, either the tank doesn't have enough gear to take the hits during the Smite-based part of the healing rotation (common) or some DPS class is jealous of your awesome DPS. The proper answer is to drop a Lightwell and say, "Heal yourself **#%#."

"You suck, I was AEing and you didn't even shield me once": A lot of people seem to think that priests can use shields. This is not the case, and even if we could use shields, Warriors have Intervene, not Priests, so like, how the hell am I supposed to shield you dumbass? The proper answer is a drop a Lightwell and say, "Heal yourself, mage-**#%#."

"Res please?": We've already covered the (very sensible) reasons not to ressurect people too much, so when you hear this, it's better to take the high road and just don't say anything juvenile back. Just ignore them until they run back and then drop a Lightwell and say, "Hey buddy, you should heal yourself with this Lightwell."

"<your name> has been removed from the group": A lot of people feel unworthy when you're in their group (it's only natural, since as a Priest your time is more valuable than theirs, and like, they're totally wasting it by not beating the dungeon faster). When the embarassment reaches fever-pitch, many group leaders will simply have to let you leave the group to spare themselves. This is actually like a compliment, so you should drop a Lightwell for them. Even though they won't be able to use it, it will hang out there and shine, a glimmering reminder of how close they all came to the perfect WoW toon.

Other: Generally, a safe response to complaints not specifically covered herein is to drop a Lightwell and say "Heal yourself, **#%#."


6) Conclusories

Obviously Priests own in every way, so like, now you know how to heal and stuff. PLEASE KEEP THIS INFO CONFIDENTIAL, as until I get a couple more endgame Karazhan epics I want to keep these secrets on the down-low.

You're welcome and stuff,

~IDialog,
Priest.

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Q u o t e:
Now, a smart priest stands way behind everyone else, so that when people start dying we can use this spell called 'Fade' and drink a Speed Potion and make a beeline for the door. Remember it's not cowardice, it's prudence, cuz like, WTF am I gonna do, right?

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I'll give this guide 10/10 just for confirming I'm not a coward. No really, I'm just being prudent.

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Q u o t e:
The hardest part about being a priest is dealing with other people

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QFT

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Q u o t e:


People die, it's just a fact of life. A lot of the time my 'Prayer of Mending' just doesn't bounce around fast enough and people die. Now, a smart priest stands way behind everyone else, so that when people start dying we can use this spell called 'Fade' and drink a Speed Potion and make a beeline for the door. Remember it's not cowardice, it's prudence, cuz like, WTF am I gonna do, right? .

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LMFAO

I love this part :)

Win/10

11/10

9/10

Epic indeed <3

you used penultimate in a sentence, correctly.

/win

Very epic 10/10

10/10

This post should get stickied.

This can be applied to sunwell as well, kalecgos trash, tank dies. Speed pot. Win. We can one shot the boss, but that trash is like the gauntlet from hell.

10/10

Would read again.

So thats how its done, I can respec safely now.

This is a phenomenal, legendary work of art.

100000000/10

(I'm leveling my priest and loving it but a former Druid class leader to a raid guild pre expac)

Awesome.

Meh. 2/10. Boring.

posting in an epic thread.

My current favorite and soon to be 70 Priest (LilLundo) aspires to be very similar to you. Cause like you said if everyone pulls a Jesus then its not like, cool, yea know?