The Raid-

You raid with these people. You work with these people. These people are closer than your family. You should worry.

The GM- He’s sacrificed his health, friends, and probably a couple of jobs to drag you through new content. When the guild isn’t performing, these decisions are in question. Prone to shooting sprees, forum flame wars, and the rapid advancement/gearing of whatever toon the guild “needs”. If you can keep your mouth shut, he’ll go emo and quit before you get gkicked. Still, you do like the guy. Or did. Before he went crazy. See drunks, below.

The GM's Significant Other- Okay, so he was going to have to quit but he tricked his SO into playing. She loves it. She's terrible. You'll effectively 24 man every boss. Count on 4 constructs in the raid, every attempt. She plays a Belf.

The Raid Leader- When you stand in the flames, he dies a little bit inside.

The Heir Apparent- When the GM goes psycho, ninjas the bank, and gdisbands, you're the guy the guild is gonna look to to to fix the mess. You see it coming. You can't decide if ritual suicide or being the new gm would be more painful.

The Positive Officer- “That was great. Just great. You know, only 5% of guilds have even made it to Supremus, and getting him down to 67% on the second attempt is hawt.” See Stoners, below.

The Negative Officer- “Jesus Christ why are there corpses under all these goddamn volcanoes? It’s Supremus for %@*@s’s sake. GET OUT OF THE GODDAMN FLAME!” See Drunks, below.

The Healing Officer- Has this job because, as the newest officer who plays a healer, he’s stuck with it.

The Hunter Class Lead- Will tell you that it does actually require skill and preparation to play a hunter well in the end game. Lies frequently.

Metermaid- He's got meters running. Always. Asks for meter postage whenever he's in the top 5, which is rare, as his focus on the meters is preventing him from seeing the volcano he's pathing towards. Pulls aggro. Has yet to realize that 0 health returns 0 dps. If he's healing, you might as well just put him on raid, he's gonna heal them anyway.

Stratman- Has read every strategy on the entire internet for every boss. Unable to think critically. Knows where his talk key is. Hated by the officers. Likely to play a hunter or mage. If this is also Chick With Accent, below, guild will probably collapse.

The Gay Guy- Affects the gay accent for effect. Upgrade decisions tend to involve lengthy discussions about gear appearance. Learned to use the dressing room function before the ‘v’key.

The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” Well liked, but frequently muted.

Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking and most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.

The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.

The Backbone- Plays a tank. Doesn't have much to say. Made an error once in SSC, or so you heard. Will disconnect when Gorefiend is at 30% and keep aggro while offline for the rest of the fight. Has never said anything negative to the healers. Ever. GL with your progression without one of these. Hates the prima donnas.

The Other kid- Remember that accountant you interviewed for the fury warrior position? And how you wondered how he’d make time to raid during tax season? He couldn’t. His eleven year old daughter took over about that time. She’s been raiding since. Mages, that’s an eleven year-old girl owning you night after night.

The Hunter Who Doesn't Do His Homework- Always good for insightful commentary and clever observation just after a wipe. "Holy Crap Man! I was just standing and shooting and this damn VOLCANO popped on me! When did they put in those volcanoes?"

The Prophet- Kept insisting that you were going to need a melee group for BT, despite the fact hat melee was dreadful for SSC/BT. Badgered the management until they broke. Plays a rogue. Shreds. Loved by the Most Devout.

The Most Devout- This is the guy who gets to play an off-spec in a big-boy raid. He's the fury warrior, the boomkin, or the enhance shammy. He cannot believe that some fate is letting him have this much fun that he's afraid it will all come crashing down. Prays devoutly to his favorite deity that the guild won't collapse because he'll never have THIS much fun again. Ever.

The Drunks- The core of your guild. As raid progresses, their voices in vent are getting just ever so slightly slurred. You don’t notice because you’re trying to sound sober yourself. DPS output seems to scale positively with blood alcohol content.

The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. Still, if these guys don't show, bosses don't seem to actually die. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined.

The Prima Donna- Requires special attention from management. Constantly whining. Plays some vital role. Might be a main tank, mage tank, or lock tank. The officers really hate this guy and as soon as they can find another tank with 24,000 buffed HP, he’s out. Not a stoner.

The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.

The Healing Pallie- Hates healing and had to go holy to see endgame. If you raid with a boomkin, a feral druid, a fury warrior, or any non-resto shaman, you are not getting a 10 minute blessing. Forget it. He hates you. God help you if he has a raid-viable alt in one of those classes; you're not even getting heals. Also, see Prima Donna.

The Departed Legend- You joined after he left. You suspect that he could not actually solo Doomwalker. But you're not totally sure.

The Disgruntled Raider- Took an unannounced, extended vacation and now has to share his raid spot with the other 11 extra dps. Very angry about this situation. Doesn't realize that ##@#*ing is making things worse. Officers pray for a gquit.

The Warlock Whisperer- Directionally challenged. Despite having run Karazhan 1.26 million times, will require a summon to Maiden's room from the entrance. Has a "summon pls" macro. Strangely, is good at moving away from volcanoes. See (you guessed it) Stoners.

The New Guy- Begins most sentences with, "That's not how we did it in my old guild on Korgath." Likely to remain guilded for approximately one week. You wonder if he'll be telling his next guild, "In my old guild, we ran TOWARDS the volcanoes.


Note: I read a similar archetype post couple years ago, when I first started raiding. I t altered the way I viewed raiding forever after and I've tended to think of my guildies along these terms since. If anyone still has the original piece, please post it. Below is the only person really remember from that post. I'm pretty sure there's something funny about accents in the original, also.

GOGO Reforged.

LOLS. Epic thread.

doesnt make me want to to raids.

8/10, i got some lulz

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Q u o t e:
The Stay At Home Mom- She’s around children all day and craves adult conversation. Babbles incessantly in vent, forgetting that adult conversation doesn’t usually begin with, “So I was talking to (insert name of four-year-old child) and he says…” May or may not be on speaking terms with spouse. Is muted on vent by 90% of the raid.

Mr. Mikeless- Has a microphone. Hears the conversation and directions. Once wiped the raid because he started talking most folks alt-tabbed to see who the hell was speaking. May be your best player.

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My favs right there. So flippin true. lol

10/10

god... raid guilds

Funny. Oh, so funny.

I've always raided in this game, end-game is what I play this for... and that was pretty dead on. >.<

<-- Mr. Mikeless, it's actually happened as described once.

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Q u o t e:

The Kid- So, you messed up on this guy’s interview and nobody noticed that he was 12. But, he can play. And if he gets a little bit excited when boobies are getting talked about? Hey, he’s young.

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The Friend of the Kid - Applies for guild two weeks after The Kid gets in, including that The Kid is a longtime member that recommends him. Goes berzerk about any purple linked in guild chat, heaven help you if an orange shows up, regardless if his class can use it or not. Unfortunately, unlike The Kid, he cannot PvE for a damn.

10/10

/clap

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Q u o t e:
The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members.

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ahhh yes... you forgot to mention her unusually high epic count and her alt melee hunter in all greens that made it into last nights BT raid.

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Q u o t e:
The Chick with the Accent- Is the accent fake? Nobody knows or cares. Future visits to Australia/Britian/New Zealand/Alabama are now planned by all single raid members. The Negative officer will never, ever call her out.

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HAHA! Thats me (and no its not fake) =P

The drunks, man thats the entire core raid group right there. The others are all fairly new to the raiding game, but those who have run through the content so often they have everything they could ever want for all three potential specs and are still showing up? Yeah, they start drinking heavily while groups are being formed. I used to sip my way through about 40 ounces of long island ice tea over the course of every mc run back in the day. :p

Halp I'm not described. :(

You forgot:

Mr. We'reNotGonnaDoIt - the player that says we can't do it after four attempts. Each attempt got you 15% closer to winning, but each attempt got Mr. Glass Half-Empty 15 decibles louder in voicing their discontent of repair bills and how impossible the encounter is without certain gear/raid make-up.

The Explainer - the player that has to tell the entire raid over vent why one piece of gear that just dropped might possibly be better than another piece of gear, for 15 minutes.

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Q u o t e:
Halp I'm not described. :(

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AFK raider?

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Q u o t e:
The drunks, man thats the entire core raid group right there. The others are all fairly new to the raiding game, but those who have run through the content so often they have everything they could ever want for all three potential specs and are still showing up? Yeah, they start drinking heavily while groups are being formed. I used to sip my way through about 40 ounces of long island ice tea over the course of every mc run back in the day. :p

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While groups are being formed?

Nah, you wait till you realize its flippen SSC, then you say 'afk for a sec' and go get your vodka out of the freezer.

All in all, great post.

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Q u o t e:
The Stoners- Quietly wiping raids since the beta. They really, really, really hate having to move out of the fire. Two of them are dead under the volcanoes. They live in fear of the negative officer. They have their own channel. Try /join (insertguildname)stoners. You’ll see who’s in there. It’ll explain a lot. They’re also having more fun that everyone else combined

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This is bad when it's any other class besides rogue or hunter.

Dont forget mister lucky bastard. This is the guy who managed to be the only represenative of his class that night for whatever reason and THATS the night every boss drops his classes loot. Usually followed by a marked dropoff in raid attendance afterwards.