So with the holiday season now officially upon us and I, a Canuck, bored in WoW while most of my American guildies napped from tryptophan overdoses, wrote a poem in gchat. It's a parody, obviously, on "The Night Before Christmas"... I've edited it slightly to make it more generic, but some guildmate names remain. Also the "Crew" referred to in the opening line is "The Brew Crew", unofficial nickname of my guild. Enjoy, and have a happy holiday! ;-)


The Hour Before Raid Time
By Rufuscrim

Twas the hour before raid time, and all through the Crew,
Not a player was joining the Warsong Gulch queue;
They finished their transmutes of new Primal Mights
In hopes that the GM would send out invites;
The guildies were herded, all packed into Vent
While links to hot epics kept them on the scent;
And Note in her cat gear, and heal gear on Cam -
Does that new recruit shaman have enough stam?
When out from the leader there came such a chatter;
I asked, "WTF?" to see what was the matter.
Out of the instance I flew with a flash-
Someone had just pulled five groups of trash.
"Run back," said the leader, "don't wait for a rez!"
All but the new shaman do what he says;
He got the boot, and who entered the mix?
A pimpin’ Dwarf Warrior decked out in Tier 6!
I looked for a guild tag and found not an answer:
I knew in an instant he must be a transfer!

More rapid than Nihilum, trash mobs we cleared;
The orders then came that a lesser guild feared:
"Now Bogdon! Now Tuon! Now Rufus and Hathin!
On Trynan! On Darkblaze! On Warrax and Ultrin!
To the top of the healing and DPS meter!
Now pull the boss! Pull the boss! Pull her and beat her!"
As bones from past wipes lay scattered around,
The tank used a charge to help cover some ground;
So up to the end boss' lair, o, they flew
With eyes on the epics, and the new warrior too;
And then, over Vent, I heard some shrill cries,
"I'll @*$& up the healers if the tank dies!!"
As I mashed on the keyboard to Backstab the boss;
The raid quickly suffered its very first loss.
"The new warrior's dead! Oh no! We're so @#&$’ed!"
"Are not!" yelled the GM, "We just got bad luck’ed!
We've battled through worse! We will not relent!
She's already down to sixty percent!"
The DoTs and the heals, they hit and they flew;
Look out! Change it up! She's entered phase two!

The DPS stopped while the tank gained some threat;
(The healers still must have been worried, I bet);
"DPS on!" was the call to attack;
"Hey warlock! Too fast! Soulshatter! Pull back!"
"Twenty percent!" someone shouted with glee;
Better get ready, it's time for phase three!
"She hits so much harder! Blow cooldowns and fight!"
"That was too close! Quick, more Holy Light!"
Three percent! Two percent! One percent! Dead!
The guildies and I went to teabag her head!
"What did she drop?" the raiders all wondered;
The raid leader went to go see what was plundered.
Officers gasp... they're the first ones to see;
Rejoice! They have given an epic to me!
The portals are up, the raiders are gone;
I wonder what enchant that I should put on?

The GM did shout as the mood became lax,
"Good raid, everyone! This guild is teh hax!!"



This is what happens when I’m bored, people.... Let's see what you all can come up with, festive or otherwise! =D

That was quite delightful.

Awesome :D very festive

nice

EDIT: Third in an epic thread!

I rather enjoyed that. Cant wait til I can go to ZA...or SSC....or Tempest....damn :[

Still nice :D

/clap
Excellent.

Excellent :)

First page

w00t!!!!

10/10 epic

Very clever

That was amazing. /clap

Not too shabby :) I won't get nit-picky on this day :P

Less e-peen inflation and more creativity! I wanna see what you guys can come up with too!

Thanks for the kind words though :)

Posting in an epic thread.

π/3

Purely epic.

That's an interesting way to kill all that free time, but I must say I enjoyed reading it. Well done.

10/10

WTB more poems for this thread...

I'll keep the ball rolling:

There once was a warrior named Stan
Who main tanked inside Zul'Aman,
He lacks Defense, methinks
So they wiped on the Lynx,
He'll get better gear when he can.

*bump* for the holidays :)

Okay, here's one even though it's not as good as the OP:

You know DoT'er, and Slammer, and Smasher, and Nuker....
Clawer, and Moonfire, and Stabber, and Shooter.

But do you recall
The most famous DPS of all*...

Rudolph the Ret-noob Pally.
Had a very shiny mace.
And if you ever saw it.
You could say it'd pwn your face.

All of the other guildies
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let pooor Rudolph
Join in any of their Raids

Then one foggy Saturday eve
The GM came to say
Rudolph with your mace to bright
Won't you come to Kara tonight?

Then all the Raiders loved him.
And they shouted out with glee.
"Rudolph the Ret-noob Pally...
you'll still have to spec Holy!"

Edit: *Also... in the original "Rudolph" song they ask "But do you recal the most famous reindeer of all?" WTF does that mean?! I mean, if he's "the most famous" makes sense that people will remember him the most. "Hey, you know Polk, and Taylor, and Harrison... but do you remember Lincoln?"

Very nice!