*note:This thread has been great fun for me over the past few days. I'd like to thank everyone for their bumps, kind words, and creativity. Now that the election is over I wanted to make a final update to this original post to include all the fun stuff from further down in the thread.
ORIGINAL CAMPAIGN SPEECH
As I’ve traveled across Azeroth I’ve looked around and seen that people are scared. I’ve shaken hands with people who have said to me “Holy %&*! My hand!” But I want them to know that they don’t have to be scared anymore. In fact, when I am President, It will be one of my highest priorities that each and every Azerothian is granted full immunity to fear. But some say that is not enough. So let me tell you where I stand on the issues.
The Economy:
Times are tough. The price of netherweave is down. The cost of repairs is up. Joe the Shaman is concerned about whether or not he will have a spot in 25 person raids. But if you look at your fellow Azerothians, you’ll see that the solution is all around you. It’s a fact that Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms together have over 87% of the world’s supply of souls. It is time to harness that supply. I do not want to use a scalpel or a hatchet, but a runesword. I believe in the trickle-down theory. When my blade slices through each of your bellies and your innards trickle down onto the icy battlefield, your soul - that has gone untapped for so many years - will finally be absorbed and utilized. Drain, Baby, Drain.
Healthcare
I know one of the biggest issues each of you face is healthcare. The average Azerothian spends more time looking at his/her healthbar than any other stat. Over the last four years, my opponent Illidan has watched as healing was completely stripped away from items. The liberal media will tell you that spell power does the exact same thing, but these are the same people that told you Arenas were fun.
The solution is one that has worked for The Scourge for years. The answer is not in reform but in reanimation. Ask any of my supporters and they will tell you they have no concern for their health. And those concerned with the time it takes to run back to their corpses will be happy to know that I will make the world one mass graveyard.
Global Warming
Ahahahaha. Ehem. I have that one covered.
Foreign Policy
My opponent likes to criticize my recent invasion of Azeroth, saying that I employed the same exact tactics of floating necropolises and shock troops that had failed over two years ago. What Illidan fails to tell you is that each mob has had its level raised to 70 and were reinforced by a Zombie Plague. My opponent still refuses to admit that the Zombie Plague has worked!
My Opponent: What do we really know about Illidan Stormrage?
Illidan claims to be against demons and the Burning Legion but he is in fact himself half-demon. And this information comes from wowwiki, a news source not known to ever defend me.
He says he is qualified to be your overlord, but when was the last time he even left Outland to visit Azeroth? The only office he has held as “Lord of Outland” was a self-proclaimed title. I, on the other hand, have been a Prince AND a King.
Illidan wears a blindfold. Is this someone you want to trust? I don’t mask my eyes, and they are a beautiful baby blue.
And finally, Illidan wants you to forget that He and I have faced on the battlefield before and I defeated him. I defeated him then and I will defeat him in this election.
My Running Mate
There have been some pretty nasty rumors about my running mate. The fact is he simply has an unfortunate name. I assure you, Kel’Thuzad is not a muslim, nor is he a terrorist.
He was a member of the high council of Kirin Tor and a citizen of Dalaran. When blood still flowed in his veins it was the same blood that, for the time being, still flows through all of yours.
Conclusion:
Illidan wants you to believe that “You are not prepared.” That’s a quote. You can check it. I believe that you are prepared, and together we can have a stronger, colder Azeroth.
I am Arthas and
WE APPROVE THIS MESSAGE.
ONGOING ELECTION COVERAGE
provided by GNN
Campaign Commercials
Q u o t e:
Q u o t e:
(ominous music)
Arthas wants us to surrender our hard work in defeating the Scourge in Lordaeron; he has associations with the walking dead. Some say he is even a closet Scourge himself, and will immediately throw open our borders, grant visas to corpses, defile our grain harvests and ruin our economy. And should we forget about his former sycophant, Sylvanas Windrunner, currently hiding in the Undercity with Varithramas, who are both palling around with that green skinned menace, Thrall?
(happy music)
Illidan wants us to come together, to fight the good fight. While pursuing the Scourge leader, he worked together with the Blood Mage Kael'thas and with Lady Vashj, leader of the Naga, proving that he has what it takes to work across party lines in pursuit of a common goal. Illidan spent 10,000 years in the Moonglade Hilton, and in his escape, he was forced to consume the Skull of Gul'dan. No one Night Elf has served his nation more honorably, or sacrificed more for the common good.
On November 4th, vote for the true leader of Outland. Vote for the one who has what it takes to defeat the Scourge, and to defeat Arthas. Vote for Illidan Stormrage.
"I'm Illidan Stormrage and I approve this message."
Illidan claims he wants to defeat the Burning Legion. But instead of working closely with Shattrath against this common enemy, he orders attacks against the city. His own brother has referred to him as "The Betrayer." Who is Illidan really fighting for?
Arthas wants to unite everyone against our enemies. That is why he has flooded the city of Shattrath and the Capitals on Azeroth with hordes of Zombie Ambassadors, in order to conduct talks on how to best uphold our common ideals.
On Nov. 4th, Yield for change.
"I'm Arthas Men—
THE LICH KING, AND WE APPROVE THIS MESSAGE."
Q u o t e:
Has the upcoming election got you scared? What the media doesn't want you to know is that both major party candidates are evil masterminds and have been proven guilty for cases of genocide, racial cleansing and even consulting with former advisor to the child king Lady Prestor, who just recently, lifted her guise and revealed her true identity.
This election, don't forget your roots. Vote on those you can trust with steady plans for environment, economy and, most importantly, racial equality between Azerothians.
Don't be intimidated by major parties, Vote Hogger '08.
This message paid for by the Lowbie Npc Party.
Arthas on the Energy Crisis
Now we've all heard the rumors that the sunwell has been restored. My fellow Azerothians, I implore you to believe me when I say that trusting in this propaganda that there is a functioning sunwell that will solve our energy problems would be one of the gravest mistakes of our time. I not only believe this but my opponent does as well.
Illidan, however, thinks the answer to our energy problems is in Fel sources of power. What he doesn't like to tell you is that over 90% of Fel Energies are controlled by our enemies in the Burning Legion. Over 90%.
This is why I am committed to funding alternative energies such as Soul and Brains. Also, the Cauldron technology in the Western Plaguelands has produced a surplus. This is technology i have always supported and my opponent has not. When I am in power, I will be committed to spreading cauldrons throughout all of Azeroth so everyone can benefit from the same surplus we are seeing in the Plaguelands.
A vote for Arthas is a vote for Fel Energy Independence.
"I am Arthas Me -
THE LICH KING AN WE APPROVE THIS MESSAGE"
BREAKING NEWS FROM GNN - Illidan's VP Pick
In a shock to everyone, Illidan has announced
The Skull of Gul'dan as his running mate.
Supporters of Arthas have said that this is a see-through attempt to appeal to the undead vote.
"The Azerothian people know who's the real Lord of the Undead, but Illidan wants to try and confuse people into thinking that he somehow represents their interests by parading a skull around. The fact is, if you look into his history, Gul'dan was actually one of the most powerful warlocks the world has seen. Does that sound like the track record of an undead to you? Sounds like more Fel trickery to me." -Baron Rivendare
When asked for comment Arthas had this to say:
YOU CAN CAST POLYMORPH ON A QUILLBOAR. IT'S STILL A QUILLBOAR.
The Lich King from Northrend went on to deny any rumors that he's had any ties with the Skull in the past.
Arthas' Acceptance Speech
ARTHAS HAS WON! We now go live to Icecrown for the President-Elect's Acceptance Speech:
"This is an historic day. Never before have two spirits fused within an ancient evil artifact been freely elected to such an office. Young fused spirits/ancient evil artifacts across Azeroth have new hope of what they can achieve in this time. "
Arthas then immediately began to appoint members of his cabinet by slamming his sword deep into the ice beneath his feat, sending innumerable cracks outward and shattering the icefield as a gargantuan frostwyrm rose from its frozen depths.
