EDIT: There is now a blog!! http://cwsargeras.blogspot.com/

EDIT: Okay, replaced the missing post. Hopefully this won't glitch again cause I'm out of space.

Disclaimer: I did not write this. This was written by a coworker of mine who does not play WoW, but was inspired by the Blizzard fanfiction contest anyway. So, armed only with wowwiki and a brief explanation from myself, he came up with this. He will not be entering it (for one thing, it doesn't make the word count) but has given me permission to post this wherever I wish.

So enjoy. And for the record - he had no idea about the cat in Naxxramas.


Scourge Chat Log

***User "theLichKing" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Hey

[theLichKing]: Anyone there?

[theLichKing]: *drums fingers*

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has entered the chat.***

[theLichKing]: Hey man.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: my liege

[theLichKing]: Listen, there's this thing I need you to do for me

[Kel'Thuz4d]: anything my liege

[Kel'Thuz4d]: what army must i lay to waste

[Kel'Thuz4d]: whose lands shall i decimate for ur glory

[theLichKing]: Um, yeah, I'm good on decimation for today. We're going to hold off on the decimation for, like, a week or so.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok?

[theLichKing]: I was thinking. How much trouble do you think it would be to have a thermostat installed in the Throne Room?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ...

[Kel'Thuz4d]: y?

[theLichKing]: It's really really cold in here.

[theLichKing]: I'm Lord of the Scourge. I think I should get a thermostat.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: no its a frozen throne

[theLichKing]: Right

[theLichKing]: See that's exactly what I'm talking about. The throne is frozen. The chair that I sit on all day? Literally a block of ice.

[theLichKing]: It is so very, very cold.

[theLichKing]: I actually cannot over-emphasize how cold I am on a daily basis.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: but its supposed to be frozen

[Kel'Thuz4d]: its the source of ur power

[theLichKing]: About that. Can I get my power transferred to some other source?

[theLichKing]: Something that isn't made out of ice that I then have to literally sit on?

[theLichKing]: Someone dropped the ball there.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok so like what should it be then

[Kel'Thuz4d]: like a ring?

[theLichKing]: A ring?

[theLichKing]: Seriously, a ring.

[theLichKing]: Do you _read_ history?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: so what then

[theLichKing]: I don't know. I'll think about it. Maybe an armoire.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: armor?

[theLichKing]: No, not armor. An armoire. The furniture.

[theLichKing]: Oh but speaking of armor

[theLichKing]: I have skulls on my kneecaps.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok?

[theLichKing]: No, it is _not_ okay.

[theLichKing]: I have skulls.

[theLichKing]: On my _kneecaps_.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: well for the thermostat i think u need approval from a supervisor

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ill just get kiljaeden in here and well sort it out

[theLichKing]: No!

[Kel'Thuz4d]: no its cool

[theLichKing]: No, don't...

[theLichKing]: Ugh, my old boss. I hate this guy.

[theLichKing]: Ok I'll just...I'll act casual. Like old times.

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone'jaeden]: This had better be important.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: yeah lich king here just wants a warmer throne room is all

[Killzone'jaeden]: Warmer?

[theLichKing]: No it's really not necessary sir

[Killzone'jaeden]: You want a warmer throne room?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: yeah

[theLichKing]: No

[Kel'Thuz4d]: yeah he does

[theLichKing]: I really don't.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Ok sure let me just get right on that

[Killzone'jaeden]: I actually know these guys, they're really great, literally made out of fire

[Killzone'jaeden]: They could heat your room right up for you

[Killzone'jaeden]: They're called the Burning Legion...why don't I just invite them to Azeroth so they can come and

[Killzone'jaeden]: OH WAIT

[Killzone'jaeden]: Someone's too busy being Chatty Cathy to PREPARE HIS WORLD FOR AN APOCALYPSE

[theLichKing]: So sorry sir

[Killzone'jaeden]: Yeah, "sir," that's new

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hey cmon though its not like weve just been sitting around

[Kel'Thuz4d]: were spreading plague and stuff

[Kel'Thuz4d]: we totally spread a lot of plague

[Kel'Thuz4d]: and dont forget the spider war

[theLichKing]: Actually I wouldn't mention that...

[Killzone'jaeden]: Oh yes. The "Spider War."

[Killzone'jaeden]: The "war" where you spent ten years getting rid

[Killzone'jaeden]: OF SPIDERS

[Killzone'jaeden]: Check it out, I had a Mosquito War last night. Mosquito lands on me, I squish it. Done. Two seconds.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Didn't take me ten years

[Killzone'jaeden]: BECAUSE I'M NOT AN IDIOT

[theLichKing]: Yes sir

[theLichKing]: Very sorry sir.

[theLichKing]: I'm on it.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Y'know what, you know who else might want to hear about this

[Killzone'jaeden]: Maybe I shold get Sargeras in here

[Kel'T

[theLichKing]: NO! That's not necessary

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hold on I'll go get him.

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

[theLichKing]: ARE YOU CRAZY

[theLichKing]: "Sure"? Do you know who Sargeras actually is??

[Kel'Thuz4d]: i think so hes alliance right

[theLichKing]: ...

[Kel'Thuz4d]: horde?

[theLichKing]: *headdesk*

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[An00b'arak]: hay guise whats goin on in dis chat

[Kel'Thuz4d]: sup

[An00b'arak]: sup

[Kel'Thuz4d]: sup

[An00b'arak]: sup

[Kel'Thuz4d]: whaaaazzzzaaaaaap

[An00b'arak]: what are yoooooou doing

[theLichKing]: GUYS

[theLichKing]: SERIOUSLY

[An00b'arak]: whats his problem

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hes cold

[An00b'arak]: well yeah he sits on a frozen throne inside of icecrown glacier with a sword named frostmorn

[An00b'arak]: the name icecrown glacier can only imply that among glaciers, which are themselves made of ice, this one is especially icy

[An00b'arak]: its possible there is some coldness involved

[theLichKing]: _Thank_ you!

[theLichKing]: Ok, so install me a thermostat pl0x.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: uh boss ixnay on asking him to install stuff

[An00b'arak]: what is that supposed to mean??

[Kel'Thuz4d]: uh

[An00b'arak]: oh i get it

[An00b'arak]: bc im an arachnid?????

[An00b'arak]: and how could i possibly install a thermostat without thumbs

[An00b'arak]: racist

[Kel'Thuz4d]: no no no

[Kel'Thuz4d]: well ok yeah how would that actually work

[An00b'arak]: im sure i dont know...im just an arachnid

[An00b'arak]: guess what im not ashamed of what i am

[An00b'arak]: >8< spider pride

***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: thank god

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: oh god

[An00b'arak]: im lodging a formal protest

[An00b'arak]: i am going to let every1 know the scourge is not an equal opportunity employer

[An00b'arak]: and i am being discriminated against due to race

[An00b'arak]: and species

[An00b'arak]: and phylum

[theLichKing]: Ok, look, there's no need to get upset

[An00b'arak]: omg

[An00b'arak]: dont apologize for him arthas

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has entered the chat.***

[Killzone'jaeden]: Sargeras is logging on now.

[theLichKing]: Aw hell.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Precisely.

[theLichKing]: Listen, I wasn't complaining earlier, the temperature is fine...

[An00b'arak]: kiljaeden??

[Killzone'jaeden]: Excuse me, who is this? I'm *Lord* Jaeden to anybody that's not a Dreadlord.

[An00b'arak]: listen killy there is some phylumism going down in this piece

[Killzone'jaeden]: Killy? Oh you do want to die don't you.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Also does nobody capitalize anymore?!

[Killzone'jaeden]: I didn't spend seven aeons feasting on the souls of the righteous just so I could play typing games with the functionally illiterate.

[An00b'arak]: no im serious this is a real issue

[Killzone'jaeden]: *What* is a real issue?

[An00b'arak]: phylum

[An00b'arak]: ism

[Killzone'jaeden]: You best start talking some English

[Killzone'jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras?

[theLichKing]: Precisely.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Don't get cute.

[An00b'arak]: i am being discriminated against on the basis of my spinal condition

[Killzone'jaeden]: What is your spinal condition?

[An00b'arak]: i dont have 1

[Killzone'jaeden]: What?

[An00b'arak]: im an arachnid

[An00b'arak]: >8< spider power

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hey LK I thought you squished all of them already. You spent ten years on these morons and you didn't even finish the job?

[An00b'arak]: what

[theLichKing]: Yeah I reanimated him. I'm the Lich King, it's sort of what I do.

[Killzone'jaeden]: So you smashed a bunch of bugs

[Killzone'jaeden]: And then you were like,

[Killzone'jaeden]: "Huh! I sure would like to have those bugs back again!"

[Killzone'jaeden]: Is your brain frozen or what?

[theLichKing]: Ok that's kind of what I was getting at before.

[Killzone'jaeden]: That you're an idiot?

[An00b'arak]: ur horrible

[An00b'arak]: ur a phylumist

[Killzone'jaeden]: Oh no, I'm horrible. Why don't you go and tell all my demon friends how horrible I am. They will be shocked.

[An00b'arak]: phylumist phylumist phulymst phylimist

[An00b'arak]: that gets hard to type after a while though

***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: thank god

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: oh god

[Kel'Thuz4d]: go back to your hole

[theLichKing]: Yeah get out of here

[Killzone'jaeden]: Go back to your hole, spider

[An00b'arak]: p

[An00b'arak]: h

[An00b'arak]: y

[Kel'Thuz4d]: lolwut

[An00b'arak]: l

[An00b'arak]: u

[Killzone'jaeden]: Shut. Up.

[An00b'arak]: m

[Killzone'jaeden]: Dude get rid of this guy.

[An00b'arak]: i

***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "An00b'arak" from the chat.***

***User "An00b'arak" has entered the chat.***

[An00b'arak]: sts

***User "An00b'arak" has left the chat.***

[Killzone'jaeden]: Finally

[Killzone'jaeden]: Where the hell is Sargeras

[theLichKing]: It's really not necessary, I withdraw my request completely.

[Kel'Thuz4d]: no he wants armor

[theLichKing]: An *armoire.*

[theLichKing]: Of power.

[Killzone'jaeden]: I cannot express how much I hate both of you.

[Killzone'jaeden]: And this is coming from someone whose lungs are made out of solidified hate.

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: hey everyone ^_^

[theLichKing]: How did you get in here?!

[theLichKing]: This is a private chat!

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: lol :)

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: i hacked admin :)

***User "theLichKing" has kicked user "~*`Sylvanas'*~" from the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: lol lol lol

[Killzone'jaeden]: TIE fighters

[theLichKing]: What?

[Killzone'jaeden]: Nothing. Can't you kick her out?

[theLichKing]: I just tried

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: admin guys lol

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: :) ^___^

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: oh plus i can chat under ur names check this out

[theLichKing]: im a little girl and i like ponies lol

[theLichKing]: What! I hate ponies!

[Killzone'jaeden]: ROFLMAO

[Kel'Thuz4d]: she hax0red you dude

[theLichKing]: This isn't funny!

[theLichKing]: i play with dolls

[theLichKing]: and bake cookies with my mommy

[theLichKing]: Untrue! I deny everything

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hahaha

[theLichKing]: Ok guys this is lame let's just go to a different chat room

[Killzone'jaeden]: NO!

[Killzone'jaeden]: We're waiting for Sargeras!

[Killzone'jaeden]: It's next to impossible to get him into these things anyway

[Killzone'jaeden]: I'm not going to confuse him

[theLichKing]: im a little teapot short and stout

[Killzone'jaeden]: Besides this is hilarious

[Killzone'jaeden]: Sargeras is going to get here and you'll be singing about teapots...you'll get pwned

[Killzone'jaeden]: Maybe he'll buy you a "pwny"

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hahaha see what I did there

[Kel'Thuz4d]: i dont get it

[Kel'Thuz4d]: wait ok but thats dumb

[Killzone'jaeden]: Wordplay. Look it up.

[Killzone'jaeden]: i like to dress up like a girl

[Killzone'jaeden]: Oh now she's doing it to me too

[Killzone'jaeden]: i like to put on women's clothes

[Killzone'jaeden]: and pretend im a woman

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***

[Killzone'jaeden]: and look at myself in the mirror all pretty

[Killzone'jaeden]: and call myself the prettiest prettiest princess

[theLichKing]: Umm she's not here anymore

[theLichKing]: Are you just typing that stuff yourself?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ...

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone'jaeden]: ...

[Killzone'jaeden]: WHERE THE HELL IS SARGERAS

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has entered the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: heeeeeee~

[Kel'Thuz4d]: omg wtf this sux

[Kel'Thuz4d]: i have a dungeon to run

[Kel'Thuz4d]: pcs are going to be like raiding me and shiz

[theLichKing]: Oh please. The expansion is called "Wrath of the Lich King." It's got my _name_ in it. You don't think a few guilds are going to be farming me as soon as I'm a fightable boss?

[theLichKing]: probably not because i suck so much

[theLichKing]: DAMMIT SYLVANAS

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok and now my cat is 8fwhwe8ufhffweeexvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

[Kel'Thuz4d]: walking on my keyboard

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hold on afk

[theLichKing]: You have a cat?

[theLichKing]: Seriously?

[theLichKing]: You're a freaking skeleton lord. Why do you have a cat?

[Killzone'jaeden]: Yeah why *do* you have a cat?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: back, had to put the cat out

[Kel'Thuz4d]: and ok

[Kel'Thuz4d]: two things

[Kel'Thuz4d]: first, cats are awesome

[Kel'Thuz4d]: second, RACISM??

[Kel'Thuz4d]: "freaking skeleton lord"

[Killzone'jaeden]: WTF is wrong with you people?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hey! what do you mean..."you people"

[Killzone'jaeden]: What do YOU mean, "you people"?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: hahahaha

[Killzone'jaeden]: Hahahaha...Tropic Thunder, great movie.

[Killzone'jaeden]: i like to poop

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone'jaeden]: Ok that one I actually did not say, that was Sylvanas that time

[theLichKing]: ...

[Killzone'jaeden]: No seriously this time it was her

[Kel'Thuz4d]: "this time"?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: wait so u really do like to wear womens clothes

[theLichKing]: You are, in fact, the prettiest prettiest princess?

[Killzone'jaeden]: No, of course not

[Kel'Thuz4d]: do u have a panty drawer

[Killzone'jaeden]: No! I wear boxers. With thorns on them.

[Killzone'jaeden]: And skulls.

[theLichKing]: Ok were the skulls on the kneecaps YOUR idea then??

[Killzone'jaeden]: Wait what?

[Kel'Thuz4d]: yeah dont change the subject

***User "SARGERAS" has entered the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUME ALL HTE WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!1

[SARGERAS]: I AM INVINICBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I AM HTE DARK TITAN!!!111111!1!

[Killzone'jaeden]: oh god

[SARGERAS]: I WILL CONSUM ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!1!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: You actually said that already

[Killzone'jaeden]: He spelled it different though.

[Killzone'jaeden]: Dark Lord, there is an issue we need you to resolve

[SARGERAS]: NOTHING CAN DEFET ME BECUASE I AM DEFEAT EVERONE!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I AM SARGERAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: TEH DARK TIT AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Killzone'jaeden]: Right

[Killzone'jaeden]: But what we're going for is

[theLichKing]: Yeah I'm confident he'll be able to resolve this

[Killzone'jaeden]: The Lich King has this complaint...

[SARGERAS]: I AM DESTORYING ALL WORLDS RIGT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: i wear little pink girly panties

[Kel'Thuz4d]: omg

[SARGERAS]: WHATTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: hahahahaha

[Kel'Thuz4d]: pwned

[SARGERAS]: I DID NTO SAY THAT!11111111111111111111

[Kel'Thuz4d]: i dunno about you guys but im kinda turned on right now

[theLichKing]: Rule 34

[SARGERAS]: yeah, you like that, there's more where that came from

[SARGERAS]: *twirls hair seductively*

[SARGERAS]: I DID NOT SYA THAT EITHERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: I WILL DESTROY ALL TEH WORLDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[SARGERAS]: !

[Kel'Thuz4d]: *dies laughing*

[Killzone'jaeden]: Ok I'm done

[Killzone'jaeden]: F this

[Killzone'jaeden]: I'm outta here

[Killzone'jaeden]: I hate Azeroth

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: aw dont go :)

***User "Killzone'jaeden" has left the chat.***

[~*`Sylvanas'*~]: byeee~

[SARGERAS]: I USE SUPER ULTIMATE ATTACK FOR EIGHT MILLION POINS!!!!11

[theLichKing]: Hey I think he spelled all the words right in that one

[Kel'Thuz4d]: missed a t

[theLichKing]: Aw, yeah

[theLichKing]: So close

***User "~*`Sylvanas'*~" has left the chat.***

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ok im out too

[theLichKing]: Ugh fine

[theLichKing]: TTYL

[Kel'Thuz4d]: ttyl

***User "Kel'Thuz4d" has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: GAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

[theLichKing]: This is the worst chat ever.

[theLichKing]: The worst.

[theLichKing]: The worst.

[theLichKing]: Whatevs, titan dude. I'm done.

[theLichKing]: Still freezing my ass off though.

[theLichKing]: *wrath*

***User "theLichKing" has left the chat.***

[SARGERAS]: *looks around*

[SARGERAS]: Chat empty?

[SARGERAS]: ...

[SARGERAS]: I have eaten

[SARGERAS]: the plums

[SARGERAS]: that were in

[SARGERAS]: the icebox

[SARGERAS]: and which

[SARGERAS]: you were probably

[SARGERAS]: saving

[SARGERAS]: for breakfast

[SARGERAS]: Forgive me

[SARGERAS]: they were delicious

[SARGERAS]: so sweet

[SARGERAS]: and so cold

[SARGERAS]: ;-)

***User "SARGERAS" has left the chat.***

Hahaha AWEsome. Seriously, I love it. :D

>8< Spider Pride! :D

I'm not sure if my friend is lurking this thread or not, but I'll relay your compliments. Thanks guys! >8<

lol that was great! Kudos to your friend!

hi War I hope you don't mind I linked this to my old guild because it was too much joy to hold alone :D

and hi Morg :D <3

a/s/l for sylvanas? ;D

---

Q u o t e:
hi War I hope you don't mind I linked this to my old guild because it was too much joy to hold alone :D

and hi Morg :D <3

---

That's fine! My friend said anyone could see it. I thought briefly about sharing it with general chat... but my friend hasn't done anything to deserve that.

This was pretty darned awesome. Kudos to your friend.

EPIC

damn that is so win

THIS SHOULD WIN!
He even quoted poetry at the end. XD

After reading this I had to change my sig.